What No One Ever Told Me…(and in honor of National Poetry Month)


A kitchen baster
my vagina becomes for
bath water so warm.


I read this haiku to Max yesterday and he thought it was gross, even though I had the sensitivity to arm him with plenty of warnings. Granted, I had to get a little graphic because English is not his first language and I had to tell him what a baster is and what it does. He does cook, so it turns out he knew what a baster is. But he’s a man, so I guess he just never associated it with my vagina.

Five years ago I got out of our hot and deep Japanese bathtub one night only to find myself leaving a trail of quarter-size puddles on the bathroom floor. What the – ?! Where the – ?! And then I realized: water was coming from inside of me. GASP! I was leaking, from down there! Up to that point I had read about hormones crashing, nipples leaking, hairs falling, pee escaping, but no one had told me about this, that stretching the birth canal would equip me with this absolutely useless and annoying ability.

This is a haiku I submitted for my fabulous writing teacher Kate Hopper’s 3rd annual haiku contest. This year’s theme is “What no one told me.” Surely you have some golden nuggets! If yes, please click here to enter your haiku!

14 thoughts on “What No One Ever Told Me…(and in honor of National Poetry Month)

    • Thanks Alexandra! Ha ha, a “superior” mind…my husband just thinks “gross…” (his reaction when I told him I posted my haiku: “You’re KIDDING!”)

    • Haha! I’m sure I’m insulting the Japanese with my rendition. I think haiku is a good way to get started – just 5-7-5 – so go ahead, try it!

    • Thank you so much for stopping by! I was nervous how a new reader might react when they see that poem as my first post. I am glad you like it 🙂 And I really like your blog!

  1. You and I have actually had this leaky discussion in not so poetic form before! Way to make this categorically non “hazukashii!”

  2. Oh, I just realized that the more important explanation to give Max would be that of a turkey baster! (For the lack of turkey in Japan, not the lack of M’s skills in the kitchen!)

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