Weekend Postscript

I suppose this is not so much a regular post as it is a message. We’re leaving for Japan in less than 48 hours and I’m calmly trying to pack, buy last minute gifts for family and friends, clean the house, and get ready to host a dinner party this evening (you’re free to question my judgment about the dinner party scheduling…). I should have access to the internet during these two weeks but if I’m spotty (writing and reading), it’ll be because the connection’s slow or Max has beaten me to the laptop or I’m off visiting with someone.

This also seems like a good time to say thanks to all of you, something that’s been on my mind alot lately but I haven’t expressed. I’ve written in the past about how hard it was for me to muster up the courage to write, and then to share my writing. I’m not someone who sticks to anything more than a week but, four-ish months later, I’m still writing regularly, and I really owe this to your support and encouragement which have given me so much energy to keep going week after week.

A big thing I hadn’t expected is how I’d start growing through the process of blogging. The introspection needed to write and then the comments you have all given have made me think more deeply than I have in years. They’ve then spurred me to start conversations with my husband and close friends which then propelled me to make some changes in my life. For one thing, I’ve started exercising again. And another, I’ve tried to understand my limits and to forgive myself more. In fact, after I come back from Japan, I’m giving myself a two-week vacation. My trip to Japan will be a mixed business and personal trip, but it will likely not be restful. Afterwards, I’m going to allow myself a big chunk of time off to just do whatever I please. I couldn’t have done this a year ago. 

Yesterday, I was an emotional mess because my one and only baby had finished kindergarten. I honestly felt like something was insanely wrong with me because I couldn’t stop crying. But from your comments and similar blog posts and emails I knew that I was hardly alone. Insane, maybe, but definitely not alone! 😉

And finally, I am so grateful for your response to my Tuesday post about shame and keeping quiet. I continued to feel uneasy after I posted it but each time I find myself embarrassed I go back to your comments. It’s a hard thing to get used to, this openness. But I think I did suffer more than I needed to growing up because I was (kept?) silent. I’ve often wondered about the link between depression and suicide and creativity, and found it eerie how so many writers have experienced depression. I understand much better now why – because, as my friend Alexandra said, “Depression is the voice unheard.” Opening our voices is how we try to heal.

By complete coincidence, two days after I posted about this, Wellesley College released an article about the link between authenticity and honesty and depression and self-esteem in girls.

Thank you, again, for your friendship.

Have a wonderful, fun, and restful weekend! Mata ne (see you), as they say in Japan. I will send postcards 🙂

10 thoughts on “Weekend Postscript

  1. Hi Cecilia – your thoughts on what blogging has recently meant for you echo so very much my own experiences of the last few months since I started blogging. I am glad you are feeling that you are in a better place, are able to talk more through your blog and in the real world and are doing the things that for you will continue your journey towards a happier you.

    Have a wonderful trip to Japan.

  2. Thank YOU, Cecilia, and I’m glad blogging has been such a gift for you as well as your readers! By the way, I had tears streaming down my face at the last day of Pre-K yesterday.

  3. Oh…I’m crying…I’ll miss you.

    I have grown to love you. Sincerely, honestly, I cherish you.

    Have a wonderful trip. We will be here.

    Take care, sweet friend of mine.

  4. Please do enjoy your trip. Don’t worry – we will be here, eagerly awaiting. The moment you post something, good old Google will bring you to me. God, what would we do without technology (and especially Google!)? 🙂

    Have a wonderful time, and know that you will be missed. We will trade stories for when you’re back here.

    *Hugs* and safe travels.

  5. Oh Cecilia, have a wonderful trip! I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you are blogging, and that your writing is making a difference in your life (and ours). You’re an inspiration!!

  6. Have a wonderful trip! Take lots of pictures, gather lots of blog fodder, and we’ll see you on the flip side, as they say. And hang in there through this not-so-restful vacation for one of the relaxing variety when you get home (sounds lovely!). =>

I'd love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s